After the last couple pay-per-view letdowns, I have to keep my expectations at a minimum, but I can’t forget that this is the biggest stage of them all when it comes to professional wrestling. With that in mind, I’ll take a look at all 13 (yes, 13!) matches and give my WrestleMania 33 predictions. This will be in order from least likely to entertain to most likely, in my not-so humbled opinion
Brock Lesnar def. Goldberg (C)
Please, just let this match be over like, now. This is probably the match I’m least excited for. It hasn’t been built up well and has two wrestlers who have a two-move arsenal. I’m sorry, but this just isn’t my type of match. I see Brock Lesnar getting the win over Goldberg after maybe two minutes. A squash match to end all squash matches, hopefully.
Goldberg even told Edge and Christian on their podcast that he is “miserable”. It’s a shame that WWE placed the belt on Goldberg. A publicity stunt gone wrong in my opinion. I’m sure others disagree.
John Cena and Nikki Bella def. The Miz and Maryse
While the Total Bellas spoofs with The Miz and Maryse absolutely had me in tears and though Cena torched the pair with his promo on Tuesday, I’m still not excited about this match. The Miz is a great talker and Cena has that same capability, but the two in the ring are a bit bland for my taste. Cena has shown lately that his move-set still has room to grow, but it’s come when he was facing someone like A.J. Styles, not The Miz.
I don’t see this being that entertaining of a match and I see Nikki ending the match by making Maryse tap.
Sami Zayn wins Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Yes, I have Zayn winning over the obvious choice of Braun Strowman and that’s exactly why. For three straight years a giant has won this match. It makes sense since it’s in honor of Andre the Giants, but with how much Zayn has been on tv lately, I won’t be surprised if he gets the victory (and obviously I’m predicting it).
Strowman will be the participant to eliminate the most, but won’t get the win. In another one of the lazy WWE matches they love to put on, this doesn’t look to be very promising.
Undertaker def. Roman Reigns
I posted a possible idea for this match a month ago where I said Reigns would turn heel. I still think that’s the case and I think Taker wins due to a Reigns disqualification. If not, Reigns gets a win that will cause fans to almost riot in Florida.
Taker’s aura is the only thing keeping this match from being bottom of the barrel and Reigns will have to give everything he has to carry a plain old singles match.
Carmella wins the SmackDown Live Women’s Championship
“A six-pack challenge for the belt, OMG!” I’m sure that’s what WWE was hoping would be the reaction, but once again, this is just lazy booking. And in this era of women’s revolution, I see James Ellsworth having a fingerprint on this match and he’s the reason Carmella gets the belt. While she may not be most worthy (Naomi returning from injury or Mickie James are a bit more deserving in my book), she does need a push and this could be perfect. This match allows the champ, Alexa Bliss, to lose her title due to interference (whether that be from another wrestler (or someone like Ellsworth).
It also opens the possibilities of more feuds with James and Bliss being the most obvious to me. This will more than likely be a short match and it could easily turn into a match not worth watching.
Dean Ambrose (C) def. Baron Corbin
Why SmackDown Live didn’t give this more of a push makes me wonder if one of the two had some sort of injury in the last couple of weeks. A feud against Ambrose could have been just what Corbin needed if used correctly, but the storyline wasn’t good enough. Ambrose has proven he can be a legit middle-card champion and contender, but his reign as WWE Champion was questionable to many.
Ambrose and Corbin fit each other’s style pretty well and this should be an alright match. The lack of story is the only issue.
Seth Rollins def. Triple H
I can’t tell you how happy I am that Rollins was able to heal from his knee injury quick enough to challenge Triple H. Rollins has proven to excel as a face or as a heel and as much as I loved him as a heel, “The Kingslayer” is just as good as a face.
Triple H has enough in the tank to put on a good performance and I think the two have a decent battle with Rollins eventually going over Triple H by using his own move, The Pedigree, against him. This possibly sets up a Rollins-Samoa Joe feud in the future, which I think can be another good match.
The Club retains RAW Tag Team titles
A triple-threat ladder match for the belts? Too Sweet! Enzo and Big Cass are ready to be tag team champions, but I don’t think they win it at WrestleMania. I think Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows retain the belts by using some more heel tactics, however, I wouldn’t be surprised if the “realest guys in the room” leave with their first title win in the WWE.
Sheamus and Cesaro weren’t really wrestlers I enjoyed, so to say, but as a pair I’ve really liked what they’ve done. That whole best-of-seven thing was ridiculous, but the end result was worth it, I guess. With the added ladder component, a good match could possibly turn into one of the best of the night.
Bray Wyatt (C) def. Randy Orton
This won’t be a popular opinion and I understand why. Orton has been on fire (yes, very punny) and has hit with every promo he’s delivered since turning his back on Wyatt, but he doesn’t need the belt. Wyatt does and that’s why he’ll win. This is Wyatt’s first time being by his lonesome while Luke Harper is healthy and WWE has to set him up for success.
They got rid of his old attire which required him to have “followers” and they rid him of his “family”. Now, it’s time for him to prove he can survive as a top-tier individual. I think he’ll be fine on his own.
When it comes to storyline, this one is far and above any other on either program and it will be capped off by a great match.
Austin Aries def. Neville (C)
King of the Cruiserweights vs. The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived. Yes, I am excited. Neville has had an outstanding rejuvenation as part of the Cruiserweights division and has given the belt some constancy as the champion after the belt was tossed around like a hot potato for months. Aries is set to have his first title match and while most don’t know much about him, he’s a performer. Aries will get his first title as a member of WWE and this match is one you don’t want to miss.
A.J. Styles def. Shane McMahon
McMahon may very well be the luckiest guy in the world. For back-to-back WrestleManias, Shane-O will get to wrestle one of the greatest of all time. While Styles doesn’t have the type of WWE history Undertaker had, he may very well be the best wrestler in the company right now. This match is almost a waste for Styles and his talent due to it not being for a belt, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be an exciting match. Both are physically capable of competing for an extended period of time and if this match is given the time it needs to be great, it will be.
Charlotte wins the RAW Women’s Championship
Adding Nia Jax may have been a mistake to some, but I think the plan is to have her dominate the beginning of the match to make her look strong, then have three of the four horsewomen unite for the time being to take her out. I think she’ll be taken out of the match by trying to run Sasha Banks over and colliding through the barricade.
As for the other three, we’ve seen Charlotte, Banks and Bayley put on shows while they were at NXT, but they haven’t had the magic of a match with all included until now. The chemistry that the women have together is something special and that’s why this will be such a good match.
Kevin Owens def. Chris Jericho (C)
These two are by far my favorite thing going on on RAW. They are so effortless in the way they control the mic and the two are amazing performers. Jericho is preparing to head off for his Fozzy tour and he’ll be sent out with a five-star match with KO.
Owens, on the other side, gets back to being a champion and he could line up to have feuds with the likes of Finn Balor or possibly Zayn once again, if WWE wants to be lazy.
Overall, the matches set the WrestleMania PPV up with much promise, but we’ll see if that’s the case. What matches are you most excited for?